#127, Abby's Un-Valentine

Abby starts out this book by telling us how stupid Valentine's Day is and how it's not her kind of thing at all. For those of you who don't know who Abby is, she's the Cousin Oliver of the BSC. She was added late in the series to help pick up sales or something. Abby's personality traits are as follows: she has asthma and allergies, she plays soccer, and she tells terrible jokes all the time. Like, she'll say something, and another character will stare blankly at her, and she will narrate that the other character didn't get her sense of humor, and I'll have to go back and read the preceding paragraph four times before I figure out what the "joke" was supposed to be. And it never turns out to be funny. Abby also has a twin sister named Anna who is the best 13 year old violin player ever. Because nobody in these books can ever have a hobby or interest they're mediocre at. Jessi can't just be a talented 11 year old ballerina, she has to beat out 17 year olds for leads. Abby can't just enjoy playing soccer as a way to stay healthy and have fun, she has to be the best on her team. Kristy can't just enjoy playing softball, she has to be the best left-handed shortstop in her school. Claudia can't just be a talented 13 year old artist, she has to be fantastic and even better than many adults. It's one of the most annoying things about this series.

Here's the cover. Abby looks utterly confused and annoyed that anyone would leave flowers by a locker.

Abby's English teacher is doing a unit on Shakespeare's sonnets. The class talks about love and the meaning of the sonnets. It sounds like the teacher is genuinely trying to keep students interested in Shakespeare by tying the unit into Valentine's Day, but Abby is tremendously annoyed by the whole thing and keeps trying to say in class that romantic love is a crock of shit. Her attitude catches the attention of a boy named Ross Brown, who chats with her several times after English class. Abby is glad to be making a new friend, but then Ross asks her to the Valentine's Day dance and she is horrified. She doesn't want to go to the dance with anyone, and she doesn't know how Ross could have misconstrued her friendly chatter for romantic interest. Stacey and Anna in particular are baffled that she turned Ross down, but some of her other friends, especially Kristy, support Abby's desire not to go to the dance with Ross.

Ross continues to try to pursue Abby. He brings flowers to her house, explaining that his mom is a florist, and they make Abby's allergies flare up. Then he leaves a carnation in her locker. Then he leaves her a book of cartoons from the New Yorker. Abby actually likes that gift, but then she finds out that he went to Stacey for advice and she was the one to suggest that Ross give her the book. Abby is furious with Stacey for giving Ross advice on how to woo her when Stacey knows full well that Abby is simply not interested in dating Ross or anyone else. Stacey is unapologetic. There is a pretty intense argument and Abby accuses some of her friends of being willing to date anyone just so they won't be alone. At a later meeting Abby realizes that the club is purposely avoiding talk of the Valentine's Day dance, so she apologizes for some of the mean things she said and tells them to go ahead and talk about the dance. They are supportive of her desire to avoid it and she can be equally supportive of their desire to go.

Ross makes some comments about loving classical music and having recently attended a performance by a quintet that performed a Bach piece, and Abby decides that between the flowers, classical music, and poetry, he would be a perfect match for Anna. Because Anna plays the violin, you see, so obviously she loves classical music and listens to it all the time. The best part is that Anna even has a bit of a crush on Ross already ever since the day he brought roses to the house. Abby invites Ross over so that she can introduce him to Anna, but because of some wacky hijinks, Ross ends up thinking Anna is Abby. The girls don't correct him for some reason, but when their mom gets home and calls them by the right names, Ross thinks they intentionally tricked him and storms home, furious. Anna is mad at Abby, too.

Ross won't speak to either of the girls, but when they both go to his house, he listens to their explanation of why they had traded clothes and whatnot. Then he invites Anna to go with him to a concert on Valentine's Day. She is over the moon, especially when she gets home from the concert and announces that he has invited her to the dance as well. Abby helps her get ready, and then has plans of her own. She spends Valentine's Day with Kristy, watching a zombie movie. I think the message of this book is that much like we learned in Kristy + Bart = ?, it's OK if you aren't ready to date someone and that not having a boyfriend is not the end of the world. Also in several places in this book Abby is bitching about kids making out and holding hands in the hallway, and she mentions that Mary Anne and Logan aren't like that and don't make her uncomfortable. You know why that is, Abby? They've been dating for TEN YEARS at this point. The initial giddiness has worn off.

There is one Claudia description in this book, in Chapter 2.

Today she was dressed in ski-lodge mode. That meant a woolly sweater, long black tights with thick blue socks, and hiking boots. But these weren't just any hiking boots--they were tied with shiny silver shoelaces with little snowflakes on the ends. They'd also been decorated--by Claudia--with a motif of snowcapped mountains running along the outside of each boot.

Claud's sweater was blue, white, and gray with a snowflake-patterned yoke. It was enormous, stretching almost to her knees. Her hair was pulled back in a long braid. From one ear dangled a silver earring in the shape of a pair of crossed skis, and from the other hung a small silver polar bear. This was actually a somewhat conservative fashion statement from Claudia, but you couldn't help noticing how good she made it look.

I recreated Claudia's outfit in Neopet form for you although I had to fudge the earrings a little:

 She looks damn good.

The subplot in this book is that Kristy's family has to give the puppy they've been raising back to the guide dog foundation so that she can train to be a seeing-eye dog, and Andrew is having a hard time saying goodbye to Scout, even though they knew all along they'd only have her for a year. Eventually the club helps him come to terms with the idea and Scout is sent off, never to return.