#49, Claudia and the Genius of Elm Street

I can't believe I haven't done a Claudia book yet. Not only do I love Claudia and her crazy art projects, but when you read the books she narrates, it cuts way down on your chances of having to read her handwriting in a notebook entry. And this one has my favorite Claudia art project of all. The junk food paintings.

The book starts out with Claudia watching a documentary on Andy Warhol.  While watching it, she gets the idea to do a series of paintings of junk food. She's so excited that she doesn't even finish watching the documentary. Luckily, before she got distracted with her new art project, she took the time to describe her outfit for us.

That afternoon, for instance, I was wearing a man's paisley vest I'd found at a yard sale, over a striped button-down shirt with tuxedo-stripe black Spandex stirrup pants, held up with pink-flecked black suspenders. My hair was pulled straight back with a paisley comb, and I was wearing electric-pink ankle boots. The boots really set off the formality of the rest of the outfit, sort of like the punchline of a joke. I think you can tell a lot about people from the way they dress. If you saw me, you might think: artistic, fun-loving, good sense of humor. At least I hope you'd think that.

Or I might think: homeless, lost a bet, where does one even buy tuxedo-striped spandex? So, you know. That's pretty much the same, right? Oh also guys Janine is smart so she has a page-boy haircut and wears plain skirts and blouses all the time because I guess that's what smart people were wearing in November of 1991 when this book was published. I'm surprised Janine doesn't have a monocle or ink-stained fingers from her fountain pen or something.

Unfortunately this is one of the books where the baby-sitting isn't relegated to one or two chapters. The club has a new client, Ginger Wilder, whose daughter Mary Rose, aka Rosie, is 7 and in the third grade. Mrs. Wilder's mother is ill with the flu and a broken ankle and shingles, and has to be looked after so Ginger needs a regular sitter for Rosie for about a month. Our lucky Claudia gets the job. When Claudia explains to the others at the meeting that Mrs. Wilder's mother has shingles, nobody seems to know what that is, except Mary Anne, who announces that her grandfather had shingles and it's a disease that old people get. Richard's dad died when Mary Anne was six, and she didn't see her maternal grandfather between the time she was a year and a half old and when he passed away, so apparently she has a hell of a memory. I was always annoyed when I read that line about it being a disease old people get, too, because while people over 65 have a much higher incidence of shingles, the only actual requirement to having shingles is that you've had chicken pox. Having a high stress level ups your risk of getting it, too. I know this because one year when I was still in elementary school I got so worked up and excited about my upcoming birthday party that I got shingles.

When Claudia goes to the Wilder house, she is impressed with their sound system, and even more impressed when she realizes it isn't a sound system at all but Rosie playing the piano. It turns out that Rosie's parents have her in all sorts of lessons. Voice, piano, dance, violin, the advanced reader's group at the library, and more. Rosie is a talented kid who excels at most of the things she tries, and she's been in several commercials. At the first sitting job Claudia has for her, Rosie comes off as unfriendly and a little rude, and Claudia feels like a dunce when she sees how talented Rosie is. I can't imagine that feeling like a dunce is a new situation for Claudia to find herself in. Claudia takes Rosie for a walk and leaves a note in case her mother comes home early. Rosie corrects her spelling. This makes me happier than it probably should.

The next time Claudia sits, Rosie's mom has left a note. Claudia says to Rosie, "Your mom says there's tuna salad," to which Rosie responds, "I can read."

I fucking love this kid.

Claudia is unable to help Rosie with her third-grade science homework, so she calls Janine over to do it. Rosie isn't very friendly to Janine either. There's no chattering or getting to know each other beyond just the homework. And I guess my question is, so what? It's not like a 7 year old and a 16 year old should be BFFs. Rosie is just trying to get the homework done, so she's asking Janine questions about the homework.

Here's the cover depiction of the scene. The free baby-sitter bookmark is long gone from the inside of my book, so I can't collect them all.

Rosie is rehearsing for an audition, and she gives Claudia a little speech. "You don't know, Claudia. When you go to an audition, you're up against dozens of other kids with just as much talent as you. Not only do you have to be perfect, but you have to bring a special something to it. Something that sets you apart. And the only way you can do that is by rehearsing." Rosie's voice and tap teachers come over to give her a lesson for an hour, and Claudia almost feels sorry for Rosie because they're both yelling out directions to her and she thinks they're going overboard. I can't really get too worked up about it. It's not like Rosie is upset. She doesn't want to embarrass herself at her audition or anything.

Stacey is the next BSC member to sit for Rosie. She has to pick up Rosie from school and walk her home. She sees and hears Rosie talking to some girls in her class, and it sounds like the girls don't much care for Rosie. Back at the Wilder house, Uncle Dandy, who is starting a new variety show, is coming over along with Rosie's agent so Rosie can audition. She plays the piano and violin, dances, and performs a scene from a soap opera, and Stacey has to read the part of her father, and apparently it's really embarrassing for Stacey for some reason. I mean not just the part where Stacey drops the script and steps on it and rips it, but the very idea of reading the lines so that Rosie can do her prepared piece is horrendously embarrassing.

Claudia is working on the first of her junk food paintings when it's time for the next BSC meeting, and Kristy sees them and really likes them. They make her laugh and she suggests that Claudia have a show and invite people to view them. Claudia loves the idea and the rest of the club agrees to help her clean the garage so she can have her show there.

Jessi is the next to baby-sit for Rosie. First Rosie shows Jessi a video of all five of the commercials that Rosie has been in. She describes the acting techniques she used, like when she had to pretend to see gremlins that would later be added in. It sounds interesting, but the book makes it sound like Rosie is being a total bore, even though Jessi was the one who asked about the commercials in the first place. Then Jessi tries to talk to Rosie about ballet, but Rosie doesn't want to talk about dance, and wants to do practice crosswords for the all-school crossword competition she's going to be in. Jessi wonders if Rosie doesn't want to talk about dance because she's afraid Jessi will show her up, but Rosie has no way of knowing that Jessi is the Best Eleven Year Old Dancer In The Universe, so I don't know why she'd have any idea that Jessi would "show her up." It's like all these sitters are just threatened by Rosie and annoyed by her so they've decided that everything she does is annoying. And yeah, there are some lines in the book where it's clear that Rosie lacks social skills, but it strikes me as counterproductive to ask a kid about the commercials she's been in, get annoyed when she tells you the details of acting in them, and then get more annoyed when she won't talk about the subject you want to talk about. If Rosie had talked to Jessi about dance and mentioned having been in productions or recitals, Jessi probably would have gotten annoyed at her for that, too. Jessi is shit at helping with crosswords so she calls Janine to come over and help Rosie. Janine doesn't mind, but Rosie is kind of obnoxious toward her, getting frustrated when Janine doesn't instantly know the answer to every crossword clue. Then when Janine leaves, Rosie yells that she only wants Claudia to sit for her from now on because she likes Claudia best. Jessi is surprised but thinks they can work it out.

The club comes over to make invitations to Claudia's show and clean her garage to get ready for the show. They're complaining because cleaning garages isn't honestly all that fun, which pisses Claudia off because if you're having such a terrible time why don't you go home? But Stacey points out that every project starts with less fun stuff and there's no law that you have to like everything you do. This makes Claudia think of Rosie, with her talents and her pasted on smile while tap dancing, and she starts to think that maybe Rosie doesn't like all of the things she does.

Claudia baby-sits for Rosie. She is working on one of her junk food sketches while Rosie does crosswords, but after a while Rosie starts drawing too, and Claudia is surprised that Rosie is quite good, and that she seems more relaxed while drawing than she does while playing the piano. When her dad gets home, though, Rosie quickly hides her sketch. This is the first place in the book where it actually says that Rosie "scowls" while playing the piano or violin, I'm just sayin'. Also I know more than one person who looks angry while concentrating on something even if they're perfectly happy.

Claudia goes with Rosie and her parents to the Uncle Dandy taping. A woman with a beehive hairdo directs them where to go. More people need to wear beehives nowadays.  Apparently the Uncle Dandy show is incredibly cheesy. Two of the letters spelling out UNCLE DANDY'S STAR MACHINE are burnt out so it says UNCLE ANDY'S TAR MACHINE. This is the first taping. The premiere show. Someone got fired for that, I bet. Rosie does a great job playing the piano, but on the ride home afterward, she doesn't want to talk to Claudia about it. Claudia says it's as though Rosie has completed a semi-interesting chore and wants to move on to the next thing. I don't really know why Claudia thinks Rosie will be a big chatterbox about playing the piano on the Uncle Dandy show. It's not like Rosie's been big into talking to people for the entire rest of the book. Rosie wants ice cream, but her parents tell her no, and Rosie throws a tantrum. Her mother tells her that performers need to have discipline and Rosie screams that she's a kid, not a performer, and she wants to have ice cream like a normal kid.

The next day Claudia and Mary Anne go to the crossword puzzle competition at the elementary school. Because crossword puzzle competition in the auditorium after school with a bunch of kids staying to watch, that's a thing, right? Anyway the kids are assholes toward Rosie and yell mean things, and even though Rosie wins the competition, she cries on the way home because nobody likes her and she doesn't know why. She just tries to do her best but the other kids make fun of her for it. That may be why I identify with the Rosie character so much. When they get home she and Claudia draw and it cheers Rosie up considerably, but when her parents get home they aren't happy that she's drawing instead of getting ready for her lesson. Rosie shrieks at them and runs to her room, and Claudia tries to explain to them that Rosie is actually super good at art. That makes her parents start to talk about things they can do like sign Rosie up for classes or private lessons, and Claudia thinks they'll suck all the fun out of art for Rosie. She suggests that Rosie can put a couple of her sketches into Claud's art show to get some "exposure." Then she tells Rosie to have a talk with her parents about what she wants to do and what she doesn't, because clearly pushy showbiz parents will be completely convinced by one talk with their 7 year old and won't in any way suggest that Rosie has to keep doing the things she does because she will regret it when she's older if she gives them up.

The art show goes very well, except for Alan Gray coming by. First he hangs up a few of his own crude drawings: a dead cat lying next to a candy wrapper, and a toothless man eating a candy bar. Claudia rips them down and kicks him out, and then he puts bits of chewed gum all over the garage floor. But otherwise it's a roaring success and Claudia sells two paintings. One to Kristy's stepdad and one to Ms. Besser, who teaches at SES. Later, Janine buys a painting also. Janine is a pretty awesome sister, really, and very supportive of Claudia.

Claudia babysits for Rosie again and discovers that Rosie has had a talk with her parents and is going to drop most of her activities. She told them she wanted to do one school thing, one performance thing, and one creative thing, and picked math club, violin, and art classes. And apparently her parents were totally cool with this. And this is why this book is stupid, because in the beginning, there's no real clue that Rosie feels over scheduled at all, and at the end, it's all wrapped up with one chat with her folks even though they weren't even willing to buy her an ice cream cone after a performance like 50 pages ago.

#38, Kristy's Mystery Admirer

I wanted to do some Halloween books, because I love Halloween, and I knew this one was a Halloween book, because the only thing I remembered about it besides who sent the love notes was that Kristy and Bart wore lobster costumes to a dance.

Kristy is wearing her "uniform" of jeans, a turtleneck, and a sweater. I think this is one of the few covers where she's actually depicted wearing that combination. She's rolled her jeans up at the bottom almost past the tops of her socks, a fashion that David Michael has apparently felt compelled to copy. And I thought David Michael was supposed to have curly hair. At least Shannon is looking super cute in her school uniform.

The blurb on the back tells me "Of all the Baby-sitters, Kristy's the last one anyone would expect to have a secret admirer."  Harsh, back cover blurb. Harsh.

The book starts out at the end of a Krushers game. Kristy tells us it's the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied, the bases are loaded, and there are two outs. I thought the Krushers and Bashers only played 7 inning games, so I guess this is an extra-innings situation. Anyway, Jackie Rodowsky gets the game-winning hit, and the Krushers go apeshit, because apparently they've never beaten the Bashers before. Kristy does make sure to point out that the Bashers are missing several of their best players. Charlie shows up to help Kristy and David Michael get the equipment home. Kristy says they could have walked but it was nice of him to come. Just as they are loading the last of the gear into Charlie's car, Bart comes and asks Kristy if she wants to walk home with him.

Okay, I am going to derail here and obsess over random details. Remember early in the series, when Kristy's mom was getting married and Kristy found out she'd have to move across town, weren't they all freaking out because it was so far? Because Kristy wouldn't be able to come to meetings if she didn't have anyone to drive her, because it would take her about half an hour each way to ride her bike, and in the winter it would be dark by 6:30 and not very safe. And Kristy rides the bus to school, but the other baby-sitters walk. And a lot of the kids they sit for walk to school too, like the Pikes. So the elementary and middle schools must be closer to Kristy's old house than her new house. But in this book, Kristy has time to get home from school, get her shit together, walk to the elementary school with David Michael, and hold a Krushers practice. So how far away can the school be from Watson's house? It sounds like it's a longish walk but not so long that a 7-year old can't manage it.  Oh! I know what will help! I'll look at the map in my trusty Complete Guide!

I put it extra large so you all can look with me. Oh, we'll need the key, too, or the map won't help at all.

Huh. So apparently the rich neighborhood is only a little further from the elementary school than Claudia's neighborhood is, and is actually closer to the middle school if you cut across instead of going around. And the middle school is right by the horse stables where Mallory took riding lessons. Oh and Stoneybrook University (wth, I thought it was a community college) is smaller than the old folks' home. And there's the train station, but there are no train tracks drawn in. I especially like how the big rock in Brenner field is easily the size of the baseball diamond. So I guess the map was really no help at all. :sadface: Also I notice that the Stone farm is not located on the map, so I think I'll start reading the books as though the farm and Elvira the goat are figments of their imagination.

Kristy and Bart chat as they walk home, and instead of just chatting about softball and sports like they usually do, they talk about their friends and Bart tells Kristy a funny story about something that happened at school. He also tells her that he's in a band, which she didn't know. Emily Michelle and Nannie are waiting outside to greet Kristy, and Emily is cute and runs to give Kristy a hug. Kristy tells us that Nannie is her special grandmother who doesn't act like a grandmother because she goes bowling, wears pants, and has tons of friends. I would find Nannie a lot more strange if she only wore dresses and skirts and had no friends, honestly. Why is wearing pants ungrandmotherly? I mean maybe if this was 1955, but the book was published in 1990.

Chapter 2 is boring except for this bit about fashion.

That's another thing. Claudia's clothes. She's a real fashion plate. Talk about distant. Her clothes are so distant. Claudia is the most interesting dresser I know. She is always wearing things like Day-Glo high-top sneakers, cut-up jeans, off-the-shoulder sweat shirts (sometimes torn), and friendship bracelets. (Her best friend is Stacey McGill, the club treasurer, and Claud braided friendship bracelets for both of them.)

I am not going to pretend that I never made a friendship bracelet, but I would never have listed them as being the height of cool clothing in the eighth grade. Maybe it's another of those things where anyone else would have looked like a 3rd grader, but Claudia looked cool. Sorry, I mean distant. Sorry, I mean so distant.

Kristy gets home from the BSC meeting to find that Shannon has called four times while she was out. Apparently Shannon was unaware that Kristy would be at a BSC meeting on a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday between five thirty and six. Kristy calls Shannon back, using the cordless phone and hiding inside a closet for privacy. Ah, 1990. Shannon comes over with an envelope with heart and flower stickers on it addressed to Kristy. It was accidentally put in the wrong mailbox. The book tells us that Shannon and her sisters are in charge of getting the mail and sometimes no one remembers until after dinner. Yes, it's in italics in the book. I am not too scandalized by this failure to get the mail in a timely fashion because if we're not expecting anything important (by which I mean Netflix), my roommate and I get the mail about once a week, and sometimes much less often than that. Shannon and Kristy run up to Kristy's room where they open the envelope and find a note to Kristy from a secret admirer. It is "typewritten (or maybe word processed.)" Fancy. Shannon thinks it must be Bart, but Kristy assumes it's a joke, probably from Sam. She also says that the envelope looks like a girl wrote it because the I in her name is dotted with a little heart sticker. Shannon says, "A girl who wants to go steady with you? Kristy, grow up." I really doubt that line would be included today. Kristy calls Bart and chats with him, but she doesn't mention the note and neither does he.

Next chapter, Stacey is sitting for the Perkins girls, and takes them to Krushers practice. Shannon is there, too, and she and Stacey chat. They don't know each other very well, because Shannon doesn't come to meetings and goes to private school, but they get to know each other a bit while watching practice. Kristy and Bart decide to have a World Series for the stupid Krushers and Bashers. Kristy wants a three game series, but Bart talks her into just one game. Apparently Bart is not too familiar with the meaning of the word "series". Kristy invites Bart to the Halloween Hop, and gets some more love notes. She shows them to her friends at lunch, and they talk about the events of last Halloween, when Stacey was living in NYC again for a while. Which was in eighth grade. And Halloween is coming up again. And they're in eighth grade. I'm just sayin'. Kristy gets another note, but this one is kind of creepy.

Mal and Jessi baby-sit for the Pike kids, who are choosing Halloween costumes. Vanessa shoots down Claire's idea of being a clown. Being a clown is so pedestrian. They decide to have a haunted house in their basement on Halloween and charge kids a quarter to go through it.  Clearly they have not thought this through in terms of time spent to candy gained ratio. Vanessa is allowed to invite the other two Krushers cheerleaders over to decide on matching Halloween costumes, and they decide to dress as the Three Stooges. They check the TV guide to see if any Three Stooges shows will be airing soon, so they can copy the costumes. Don't worry, kids, you live in Stoneybrook, where black-and-white is the only kind of television!

At the BSC meeting, Kristy reveals that she's gotten four creepy and vaguely threatening notes. She's worried that someone might want to kidnap her because she is Watson Brewer the Genuine Millionaire's stepdaughter. She's also worried that Bart might be a psycho or might be trying to psych her out so the Krushers will lose the World Series. Her friends think maybe Sam is sending the notes, and Kristy points out that she totally said that several chapters ago, and maybe they should listen to her once in a while.

There's a game between the Krushers and Bashers, and the accounts and descriptions thereof prove that the ghostwriters don't know a ton about baseball. Sorry, softball. Shannon gets hit in the head with a foul ball hit by Buddy Barrett. The Krushers lose by 9 runs. Kristy is not speaking to Bart because he might be the creepy note writer, and Shannon had refused to speak to him at school.

Mary Anne babysits for the Barrett kids, and amazingly, they are going to Krushers practice. Suzi reveals that Buddy has developed a giant crush on Shannon, and Buddy threatens to tattle on her about some unspecified crime if she doesn't shut up.  Kristy has gotten another creepy note, this one with fingernail clippings in the envelope. She is really pissed at Bart now, so she's not entirely pleased when he shows up on her doorstep wondering why he's getting the silent treatment. He admits to writing her the Mystery Admirer notes, but only the first ones, not the creepy ones. He really likes Kristy. Aww. Kristy invites Shannon over, too, and the three of them try to figure out who could be sending the creepy letters, but come up with nothing. Kristy remains convinced that it's a random lunatic.

It's World Championship Game day! Kristy's a bit intimidated as usual because the Bashers have matching shirts and hats, and their cheerleaders have actual uniforms. Who funds this shit? Why aren't these kids playing Little League? Kristy always says her team is made up of kids who are "too young or not good enough" but the Bashers are older and better. Also I don't know if it was a regional thing or what, but when I was little, 4 year olds could play tee ball in Little League. A quick Google search for little league minimum age brings up a lot of places with four or five as the cutoff. So really of the kids on Kristy's team, only Gabbie Perkins the amazing two and a half year old who has enough attention span to play organized sports would be too young for tee ball.

Kristy spies Cokie and her friends in the stands and wonders what the hell they're doing there but doesn't have time to go attempt to kick them out of public bleachers. She and Bart go over the rules and she does say that it'll be a seven inning game, so I was correct at the beginning of this post, which was really a long time ago, and I'm sorry this got so long.  Cokie comes up to talk to Kristy, probably just to rub it in Kristy's face that she's there, and accidentally uses a phrase from one of the creepy letters, which clues Kristy in that Cokie was the writer. Cokie has a lot of damn free time apparently. Kristy yells out that Cokie wrote the letters and Cokie admits to it. She saw the original notes when Kristy showed them to her friends in the cafeteria, and decided to try and scare Kristy. In later books (think Mary Anne Misses Logan) Cokie is portrayed as basically illiterate, but these letters took some doing. There was creepy poetry and everything.

Cokie and her friends leave, there's a ball game, The Krushers win. Kristy is afraid Bart won't want to be her boyfriend now that her team of lovable imps beat his, but he still does. Shannon comes over to help Kristy with her makeup for the dance, but as they are doing so, Bart calls and announces he has matching lobster costumes they can wear. They go with that option and have a great time at the dance, and Bart kisses her on the cheek. Kristy has a sleepover at her house, and there's a mention made when they're taking off their costume bits about Mal's clown shoes. Apparently Vanessa's derision of Claire's costume idea didn't stop Mallory from being a clown. Kristy announces that she is taking her siblings trick-or-treating the next day, which is actually Halloween, and they are dressing as characters from the Wizard of Oz. Just as they are about to go to sleep, Kristy finds another scary note with cut out letters from the newspaper, but Shannon's laughter gives away that she did it as a prank. Kristy laughs and gets the idea to write a fake note to Cokie and put it in her locker, and then they finally really do go to bed, and the book is over.

So, yeah. That ended up being really long, which I am sorry about. Next up I have more Halloween themed books: a Little Sister, a mystery, and a Super Mystery.

LS #98, Karen's Fishing Trip

So I bought this book new a couple years back. The bookstore in the town where my parents live had some BSC books still on the shelf. Yellowed around the edges, but otherwise new. I bought three LS books and I think 2 BSC books that I didn't own, and I didn't have to get yucky old library copies off of ebay with tape all over them and broken spines. I mention this because I think I broke the spine on this book in the process of scanning some of the inside illustrations, and that makes me sad, but I think you will agree it was worth the effort.

There's Karen on the cover, rocking her side ponytail. I don't know why Karen always had a side ponytail on the covers, but she did, except for on the book where she got the mullet. She looks kind of freaked out here, like fish are gross and she is just now realizing it. Watson, on the other hand, is really gleeful with his net there.

Anyway, this book opens up at the very start of summer vacation, and Hannie and Nancy come over to play with Karen. They are all so happy they could just shit, because hells yeah summer vacation! Karen mentions that she does love school, and loves her teacher Ms. Colman. Hmm, Karen? If this is truly the start of summer, shouldn't Ms. Colman now be moved to the box of former teachers? Won't you be in third grade next fall? Look, over yonder, so tantalizingly close but yet completely out of reach, there's third grade over there.

A few nights later at dinner, Watson announces that he and Elizabeth think it would be fun to take a family trip to Shadow Lake for a week. Sam and Charlie beg off, because they've both just gotten new jobs. Sam will be washing dishes at the Five Happiness restaurant (Google results for this are for a restaurant in New Orleans; I guess Sam's got a bit of a commute) and Charlie will be making deliveries for an auto parts store. Those are actually feasible jobs. Sam's a little young, but does anyone else remember how he used to have a job delivering groceries for the A&P? It was at the beginning of the series, and I never really understood why a 14/15 year old kid with no car would be your go-to guy for grocery delivery. Nannie doesn't want to go either, because she has a big order coming up for her chocolate business. Elizabeth tells her, "If you need to stay home, that is okay," and I know I can't read tone here, but I'm thinking up sarcastic replies from Nannie when her daughter is giving her permission to stay home from a last minute vacation instead of just abandoning her customers.

I put this picture in just because two pages earlier, Karen was telling us how at the Big House they all sit on long benches at their table. Either Karen or the illustrator is lying to me.

Karen gets permission to invite Hannie and Nancy, Kristy invites Mary Anne, and David Michael gets to ask Scott and Timmy Hsu, but it turns out the Hsu family already has plans for that week. They're going to Adventure Land, and invite David Michael to come with them instead. Andrew won't be there either, because this is one of the books where he is living in Chicago with his mom and stepdad and Karen is living in Stoneybrook. Karen realizes that without Charlie, Sam, David Michael, and Andrew, it will be a girls week at the cabin! The only male will be Watson. Manicures and pillow fights ahead, yo! 

Karen, Hannie, and Nancy are super duper excited for the trip and plan together what to pack, even deciding to each bring one book and trade when they are done reading. I guess this could be a little annoying, but I so totally would have done that when I was a kid. I loved making packing lists before trips. I remember one camping trip, I'd just been reading a Hardy Boys survival guide, and added aluminum foil to the list. My mom okayed it, but when she went to look for it, she found that I'd taken a long sheet of aluminum foil and folded it up tightly into a one-inch square so I could use it as a reflector or emergency cookware or whatever. I distinctly remember feeling really stupid when my mom went back in the house and just got the whole box of foil. Also now I really want to find that survival guide again. I loved it and read it probably two dozen times.

The only sadness for Hannie and Nancy is that they will be returning to Stoneybrook the day after Father's Day, and they will miss celebrating with their dads.

At Shadow Lake, Karen explains the layout of the cabin to us. There are two very small bedrooms, one of which is where Watson and Elizabeth sleep, a main living area, three bathrooms, and two dorm-like bedrooms with six sets of bunk beds each. The girls all head for the one they traditionally use as the girls' dorm, but then Kristy and Mary Anne realize that with no boys along, they don't have to share with the 7-year olds, and they head off to the other room. Karen, Hannie, and Nancy are super excited about that, because that means Kristy won't be around to tell them to shut the fuck up and go to sleep. They decide to sleep in different beds every night, and start out by making up three top bunks.

They go to the lodge, where Karen runs into her friend Keegan, who she met at Shadow Lake in an earlier book. (Karen's Ski Trip) Karen is happy to see Keegan there, but Hannie and Nancy are giving him the bitch-face-est bitch faces that ever faced.

After they leave the lodge, Hannie and Nancy are all, "Dude wtf, it's a girl vacation, why are you talking to that guy? I swear to god if you ruin our girl trip--" and Karen doesn't want to be rude to Keegan so she convinces Hannie and Nancy that they can have a mostly girls week with a little Keegan time.

There's several chapters of the stuff they do while at Shadow Lake, and it mostly falls into the category of fun to do but boring to read about. The girls practice fishing to prepare for the big contest, but they don't catch anything all week. Emily catches a fish though. Watson tells them stories about the alleged Lake Monster. Karen wants to photograph it, so they build a shelter to wait and see the monster come up for air. In the Shadow Lake Super Special, didn't Dawn basically make up the Lake Monster because she is annoying as hell? Yet now Watson has stories of it. They play doubles ping-pong with Keegan. Mary Anne and Kristy start a business selling earrings made from fishing lures. One rainy day, Keegan shows the girls how to catch worms, and Karen catches a coffee can full of them for a Father's Day gift for Watson. For some reason Keegan's worm catching methods involve carefully digging away dirt around the worms, then getting them to wriggle onto sticks, and picking them up that way to dump them in the can. Because if it's raining and the worms are at the surface, just picking them up is too easy? I really don't know. Elizabeth helps the kids make Father's Day cards. Kristy makes a Father's Day card for Watson. Karen tells us that Kristy never sees her bio dad. Hannie and Nancy are still sad that they won't see their dads on Father's Day. Nancy finally catches a fish. Karen invites Keegan to go on her family's boat for the fishing contest after finding out that his parents are separating and this leads to my favorite Watson line pretty much ever. 

"Hmm," said Daddy. He scratched his chin. "Actually, I am not sure we will have room for Keegan."

 I stared at Daddy. "Oh, no! But we have to make room for him somehow. His parents are separated. He is so sad. I just cannot tell him that we cannot take him with us."

"Maybe we can work something out," said Elizabeth. "I bet we can find a way to fit Keegan in. Right, Watson?"

 "Yes, I guess so," said Daddy with a sigh. "I have no choice but to end up with a hundred children on my boat, as usual."

Ha! That's what you get for letting all of your kids bring everyone they know on every vacation you go on.

On Saturday afternoon, there is a huge surprise! Everyone else comes to the cabin to stay through Sunday. Sam, Charlie, David Michael, and Nannie; Nancy's parents and baby brother; Hannie's parents, brother, and sister. Everyone is very happy that they'll get to spend Father's Day with their parents and/or kids. Oh, except, wait. By everyone, I guess I mean everyone but Mary Anne. Karen knew about this surprise, which is why she is looking smug as fuck in the illustration.

Sunday morning comes, and Karen discovers that the can of worms she caught for Watson has tipped over and all the worms escaped, so she gets a pot and wooden spoon from the kitchen and runs through the cabin banging on the pot and yelling "Worm alert!" to wake everyone up. Instead of telling Karen what a horrible brat she is for waking everyone up so abruptly and rudely, Watson laughs and says worms can't travel very far, so Karen spends the next half hour rounding them up while her stepbrothers laugh at her. There is an illustration of her picking up a worm with a pair of tongs, and again, I don't really understand this worm catching method. Is Watson going to take the tongs with him on the boat to put the worms on his hook? I don't think so. So why can't Karen just pick them up and skip the theatrics? Oh, right, cause it's Karen.

They go fishing. Karen takes a bunch of pictures, but the only thing she catches is an old waterlogged baseball glove. Everyone laughs at her. Keegan wins the prize for biggest fish in the 12 and under division. Oh I forgot to mention that a few different times in this book, when they're discussing the upcoming fishing contest, Karen and Nancy make reference to wanting to win a prize for biggest or most beautiful fish. Because most beautiful fish, that's a thing, right?

The families all have a big fish fry, and the next day they go home. Later in the week, Karen's got her pictures back from the developer, and she invites Hannie and Nancy to see. They almost piss themselves laughing at the picture of Karen holding up the glove she caught, and they find one picture from the fishing contest where there is a shadow on the lake that shouldn't be there, and decide that clearly the shadow is actually the Lake Monster, lurking just below the surface. So Karen's pretty happy after all.

M#12, Dawn and the Surfer Ghost

This mystery was honestly so terrible that I had to set it aside for a few weeks to even be able to finish the recap. It's just boring and everyone in it is being stupid as hell.

Dawn is in California in this book, living with her father for a few months. Dawn ping-ponging back and forth across the country is one of my least favorite of the ongoing BSC story arcs. Except for the book where she steals her dad's credit card and books a flight. That's not this book, though, so I pretty much try not to think about the logistics of moving back with her dad for several months, moving back to CT, and then moving back to CA, this time for good, all in the space of a school year. The BSC time warp is a strange thing.

Anyway, this book. Right. The outfit Dawn is wearing on the cover is actually described inside the book, so that's one bonus point. Dawn is supposed to have waist-length hair, though, so there goes at least half of that point. I put the book at a bit of a kicky angle on my scanner so it would seem like a much more fun book, but I don't know how well it really worked.

Every chapter of this book starts with a letter that Dawn is writing to her friends back in CT, or a letter that her friends are writing to her. It seems like an excessive amount of letters, but I guess this is back when long distance calls were expensive. At least most of them are in Dawn's handwriting, which is easy to read.

Dawn reminds us that her friends in California all love to eat healthy food. They are eating spinach dip and organic corn chips. Don't get me wrong, I love spinach dip, but it's not exactly a low-fat food, and organic corn chips are still fried and greasy, I'm just sayin'. Dawn tells us that she and her good friend Sunny are going to be helping out at a flimsy plot device an after school program on the beach.  It meets several days a week, and afterward, she and Sunny will have time to surf. Because Dawn is suddenly really into surfing, and taking lessons, and she's even going to enter a competition.

On the first day of the program Dawn meets a surfer named Thrash at the shop where they rent their surfboards. He has long blonde hair, wears a distinctive ring, is about 20 years old, and is a fantastic surfer, probably the best on the beach. He's friendly while chatting with Dawn and we find that he has surfed all over the world. He gives Dawn advice about what kind of board to use and tells her it will be really stable even if she hits some gnarly waves. Dawn has apparently never heard the word gnarly before, even though six pages earlier some little kid was showing off his new ninja turtle action figure. I guaran-damn-tee you that if you were babysitting little boys back when the original TMNT was on, you've heard the word gnarly. Thrash calls Dawn by the name Kelea, which he explains as a reference to a Hawaiian princess who made friends with the water god and was a radical surfer. Looking this up on Wikipedia was more interesting than anything in this book. Sunny accuses Dawn of having a crush on Thrash but Dawn denies it, saying that Thrash is just a fascinating person.

(Dawn totally has a crush on Thrash.)

The next day, when Dawn and Sunny show up for the after school program, there's a big fuss on the beach. Thrash's surfboard has been found, destroyed, washed up on the beach, and everyone is assuming he's dead, although there's no body. Dawn feels a pressing need to go try and eavesdrop on the police who are interviewing people and searching for the body. She mentions a surfer named Gonzo, who is wearing wildly patterned jeans, and another named Spanky, who has a nose ring. He probably also has an embarrassing story about someone walking in on him masturbating in a really inappropriate location, because I can think of no other reason why someone would have a nickname like Spanky.

There is an evening session of the kids' program, with a cookout and a bonfire, and even though it is a misty night, they see a surfer out in the water, but when they run to the spot where he was, there's nothing there. Dawn decides that there is no other explanation than it being Thrash's ghost. None. She goes to talk to the police and ask if there's been any progress on the case, and says the atmosphere in the station is more informal than in CT, because the officers are wearing short-sleeved uniforms and seem friendly. I was unaware that short sleeved police uniforms were a symbol of a casual atmosphere. Apparently I live in a casual place, guys. I guess Montana is just more informal than stuffy old Connecticut. Despite the informal friendliness, the cops don't seem all that inclined to tell a random teenager whether there are any leads on the case. One suggests that since there's no body, there's not really a case to investigate. Just because a broken surfboard was found doesn't mean that someone died, and Thrash could have just moved on. This seems logical to me, but Dawn is pissed as hell that they don't seem to care what happened to Thrash. She tries to investigate by herself. She wants to prove that Thrash really is dead, and that he was murdered. I don't even know. She finds a discarded can of Thrash's special blend wax on the beach. This doesn't prove anything to me except that Thrash littered. Dawn, on the other hand, thinks maybe his ghost is using the wax.

I might actually have lost IQ points typing out that last sentence.

There's a new dude working at the snack bar, and Dawn realizes that it's Thrash! He's cut and dyed his hair and taken out a piercing and taken off a ring, so obviously nobody else has recognized him.

Dawn spies on Thrash while he's working but he doesn't do anything all that interesting. Then the day before the competition, Dawn catches Thrash messing with someone's board. She's outraged, blaming Thrash for the accidents that have been occurring, but he says he's only messing with this one board because the board's owner was the one who sabotaged Thrash's board. Dawn thinks he should enter the competition honestly, without messing with anyone's board, and she thinks she has a plan. Thrash tells her that he's been practicing at night, and she's all, nobody saw you, and he's all, goddamn you're fucking stupid, the surfer ghost? that was me.

The next day,  Dawn gets to the beach in time to see Thrash come walking up with his hair dyed back to blonde, wearing his earrings and ring. Everyone's like "Holy shit, there's Thrash!" because he looks totally like his old self now that he's replaced the earrings. Then for some reason Gonzo the surfer screams and runs away, and the cops arrest him for tampering with Thrash's board, except I don't know if there was any evidence of any kind that Gonzo was the culprit, so maybe if he'd just kept his stupid mouth shut and not bolted, he could have just categorically denied everything. 

Thrash wins the competition. He's headed off to faraway surfing lands, but gives his ring to Dawn as a gift to thank her for not letting him tamper with the surfboard. She plans to wear it on a chain around her neck.

(Dawn totally has a crush on Thrash.)

Dawn wins third place in the women's amateur competition, because this is the BSC, and they are all fantastic at everything they ever try, ever.

The subplot is that back in Stoneybrook, Marilyn and Carolyn Arnold (remember, they're identical twins, but you can tell them apart because Carolyn has a mullet and Marilyn plays the piano) have started a gymnastics class and their parents have set up a practice area for them in the basement. They've got mats and a balance beam and a huge mirror, and an "obviously secondhand" cassette deck. The twins have a routine to the song "Tutti Frutti."  Because yeah.

Anyway Carolyn gets hurt when Marilyn turns her back, so the twins become inseparable, because Marilyn feels guilty. This annoys the BSC, so they decide to make the girls do things separately. They get Haley to invite Carolyn over to play a 2-player video game (because obviously the rattail kid is friends with the mullet kid) and Margo Pike to invite Marilyn over to listen to a new cassette. The twins are reluctant at first but then decide they can be apart for a few hours.

#31, Dawn's Wicked Stepsister

You guys. This book has the most well-known inconsistency in the whole Baby-sitters club series. See, in this book, Dawn wants to take lots of sitting jobs because she is saving up to buy Mary Anne a "now we're sisters" present, because Mary Anne surprised her with one at the end of the last book. BUT. If you read the last book, it says that Dawn is the one who gave Mary Anne the present. Totally glaring error, amirite?

Oh no! Mary Anne and Dawn do not look like happy sisters at all! I hope there is not tension ahead in this book!


This book opens up at the wedding reception, where Dawn's mom Sharon is throwing her bouquet. Mary Anne catches it, and Dawn tries to congratulate her, but she's secretly feeling kind of pissy about it because she thinks she should have caught her own mother's bouquet. Then she says that there's no RULE that a daughter should catch her mother's bouquet. Really, no rule? Ya think? Also apparently Dawn had a hard time finding a vegetarian entree on the menu at Chez Maurice, which is where the reception was held.

Richard and Sharon are going to spend the night in a hotel in a nearby town. Jeff, who is in town for the wedding, is going to spend the night with friends, and Mary Anne and Dawn are going to spend one last night in Mary Anne's house, all alone. Their friends come over and hang out for a while, but after they leave, Mary Anne and Dawn wake up at every slight noise because they're not used to sleeping without any adults around.

Moving day is tense because Mary Anne is in a bad mood. Dawn tries to tell us that maybe Mary Anne just didn't get enough sleep, but it's pretty freaking obvious that she just doesn't want to leave the only house she's ever lived in. Mary Anne's kitten wanders around the house crying for six hours. Dawn and Mary Anne are going to share a room even though there are enough bedrooms for Mary Anne to have her own, because they are just soooo excited to have a sister and it will be soooo much fun. I give Mary Anne a pass here, because she was an only child, but Dawn has a brother. She should have known that siblings aren't all rainbows and unicorn farts. Also throughout this whole book, they keep calling each other Sis, and it feels like they're trying too hard.

The next chapter is at a BSC meeting and we have to hear what everyone's jobs are, and this annoys me because it's basically an appendix to chapter 2, which was when the club was at Mary Anne's old house, and Dawn already told us that Claudia wears funky clothes and Mallory has a big family and Stacey comes from New York City and no, the emphasis is not mine. So at the end of auxiliary Chapter 2, Mallory goes home sick from the meeting, and it turns out she has chicken pox. By the end of this book, every member of the Pike family will have a disease or injury. SPOILER: none of them are fatal.

Dawn describes a weekend day with her new family. Richard gets up early and makes coffee and breakfast and reads the paper, and arranges his socks in the drawer in alphabetical order by color. Oh, that Richard! He should know that Sharon hates pancakes and waffles and bacon, and let her get her own breakfast! Dawn can't believe she didn't forsee these problems. I find it interesting that Sharon hates pancakes, because IRL I only know one person who hates pancakes. I wonder if Sharon hates peaches and apples, too. And then they have a spring cleaning day and Dawn gets annoyed when her mom is just brushing shit onto the floor and Mary Anne is following her around with a Dustbuster. Then Sharon cooks supper, and it's vegetarian, and Richard and Mary Anne bitch about that, and then Richard cleans up the kitchen right away instead of waiting until the movie they're watching is over, and Dawn is pretty sure this marriage is doomed.

There's a school dance and Dawn is not going. She helps Mary Anne get ready and tries to rush her along to get her out of the house, but on the way out the door, Mary Anne yells, "Just try to enjoy the evening, Dawn. Don't think of yourself as someone who can't get a date, okay? It isn't healthy."

Harsh.

Dawn calls Jeff in California and bitches about Mary Anne, and finds out that her dad has a new girlfriend. SPOILER: way later in the series, they will get married.

Dawn and Mary Anne get in a fight because they are doing their homework and Dawn wants to listen to the radio and Mary Anne needs silence. Dawn is very excited when she turns on the radio and it is a Fifties Festival. Stoneybrook is so weird with their retro music and television. Richard sides with Dawn and Sharon sides with Mary Anne. She says she doesn't think the girls should be listening to music while doing homework. This is another thing that probably would have to be rewritten if the books came out today, because Dawn could solve the problem by popping in earbuds and listening to her iPod.

Dawn decides she will scare Mary Anne into wanting to have her own room. She doesn't want to talk to Mary Anne and suggest she switch rooms because she was the one who practically forced Mary Anne into sharing in the first place. No, talking is for the weak! Dawn cannot admit that she was wrong! She scares Mary Anne by using the secret passage and it works and Mary Anne moves her shit out and then she and Dawn get along a lot better. Then the family discusses things and Dawn tells Richard that her mom hates bacon and Richard says they should make a chore chart and Dawn makes sure to point out that Mary Anne doesn't like the way Sharon cleans things.

Other random things from this book: When all the Pikes are getting injured, Nicky breaks three fingers and the next time a sitter comes he is lying around on the couch, and he misses a few days of school.  I just have a hard time thinking I could ever have talked my mother into letting me stay home from school because I had broken fingers. When all of the Pikes are out of commission, Jessi and Kristy go to babysit, and they have to serve breakfast in bed to seven of the ten Pikes. Mallory is mostly better and helps them, and Nicky and Vanessa are almost healed and eat at the table. The others are all in bed. Fair enough, except Mr. Pike's injury is a burned hand. So apparently he was just like "Fuck it, I have people willing to bring me food, and I'm not getting out of bed." Mrs. Pike's injury was a knee injury from playing tennis, and earlier in the book Mr. and Mrs. Pike go to watch a tennis match because they are huge tennis fans. I will make a note to look for any references to that in any other BSC book ever.

#8, Boy-Crazy Stacey

I love the early books. They were the ones I read over and over and over again when I was a kid. This one was a favorite. Unfortunately my first copy of it didn't survive the years so I have the new cover version and it looks wrong because this book should be yellow. The cover shows Scott the lifeguard patching up a cut on Claire's foot. He is meant to be eighteen, but in the picture he looks like he's in his  mid-30s. Stacey and Claire are wearing beach coverups in the picture, so we do not get to see the bikini Stacey describes to us as being very skimpy.

All of you with the classic yellow cover are agreeing with me here. It just looks wrong.

The reason Stacey is at the beach is that the Pike parents can't stand their kids, so they've hired Stacey and Mary Anne to come along on their vacations as mother's helpers. Stacey's a little nervous because she knows Mary Anne the least of any of the girls in the BSC, and she hasn't been away from her parents since her diabetes diagnosis. Oh, and the part where she'll be watching eight kids for two weeks.

Mary Anne and Stacey go over to the Pike house the day before the trip to talk to Mrs. Pike about their expectations. Mrs. Pike tells them that even though she and the Mr. don't believe in making rules for the children or forcing them to do things they don't want to do, they are very strict about not allowing them to go in the ocean when no lifeguards are on duty. This is basically the only rule they have in Sea City. These are the same people who Mallory will complain about constantly in later books because they treat her like a baby and never let her do anything.

Stacey's mother is nervous about Stacey going away for two weeks. It's so weird to read the books before Stacey's parents get divorced and her mom and dad are working together to be overprotective and annoying. Stacey tells us that when she arrives at the Pike house, Mary Anne and her dad are both crying. This strikes me as out of character for Richard, but at the same time, I'm sure it's one of the few times she's gone away from home without him.

The Pikes are taking two cars for the trip, and they're talking about trying to stay together and what to do if they get separated, and it just makes me think of how much things have changed since this book was written, because these days both parents would doubtless have cell phones and it wouldn't be a big deal if they got separated.

There is a whole chapter of them driving to Sea City and the kids actually squabble instead of playing lame car games and having a singalong or something. Margo gets a little carsick but doesn't throw up, which is nice because in later books she basically barfed constantly and nobody wants to read about that.

Oh and when they get to the beach house the parents have one room, the boys have another, Margo and Claire share, Vanessa and Mallory share, and Mary Anne and Stacey share. Mallory tells them that if they don't like the room they've been given, they can trade with someone or there are lots of empty rooms on the third floor. If there are so many empty bedrooms why do all the kids have to share? I don't understand. You'd think at least the older ones would want a little space for once.

The next chapter is when Stacey catches her first glimpse of Scott. You have to imagine that with little hearts around it and stuff, because Stacey is completely and totally convinced that Scott is the cutest and most interesting guy in the entire world. The next day while she is supposed to be watching the Pike kids at the beach, she is checking out the lifeguards instead. She eventually goes over and talks to "the hunk" and finds out that his name is Scott, he is eighteen, and he will be starting college in the fall.

The Pike Parents go out to a romantic dinner and Mary Anne and Stacey take the kids out to eat at Burger Garden and it is not as boring as babysitting chapters usually are. My favorite bit is when the kids are squabbling over who will sit where and Stacey says, "A six foot mouse has been waiting for five minutes for us to sit down," because I can totally picture the person in the mouse costume being completely annoyed already just seeing 10 kids walk in with no adults and fight over table arrangements. Then they go out on the boardwalk and out for ice cream. This book is one of the first where Vanessa is going through a "rhyming phase" and again it's not nearly as obnoxious as in later books where she speaks exclusively in rhyme. She only does it some of the time.

Also there is a part where Mr. Pike is cooking breakfast and Stacey has to tell him what she can and can't eat of the food he's preparing, and she can't have cheese omelet because it's "processed cheese" and this reminds me that in at least one other early book, Stacey had to have a burger instead of pizza because she couldn't eat the cheese on pizza because of her diabetes for some reason. But then later in the series she could.

Anyway the next day Stacey is busy hanging around the lifeguard stand talking to Scott and basically ignoring Mary Anne who is doing most of the work taking care of the Pikes. She brings him sodas and makes him sandwiches. I don't really understand why she's making him lunch but I'm old and cranky and wouldn't be bringing soda or sandwiches to any 18 year old who is perfectly capable of packing a lunch. At the end of the day, Scott gives Stacey a present: his lifeguard whistle.

The next day is rainy and Mary Anne and Stacey take the kids to play mini-golf and again, it's not all that boring for a babysitting chapter. I totally feel the annoyance of the people in line behind them as Claire takes a billion strokes on each hole.

The next chapter, on the other hand, is a random throw-in of Kristy sitting for her sibs back in Stoneybrook and I skip it every single time I read this book because it does nothing but break up the flow.

Mary Anne and Stacey get a night off and go out to dinner and then hang around the boardwalk and ride the ferris wheel and it sounds like fun. Mary Anne is really patient with Stacey as she picks out a present for Scott, but after they come out of the store with it, they see Scott making out with a girl, and Stacey bursts into tears and leaves the box of chocolates on a bench.

The next day Stacey pretends to have a headache so she doesn't have to go to the beach. Byron stays home with her and they go for a walk and talk about why he's afraid of the ocean and this is basically the scene that makes it clear that Byron is the sensitive triplet, which in fanfiction translates to Byron being the gay triplet. Seriously, in all the BSC fanfiction I have read, he is always the gay triplet. Mind you I haven't read anything near all the BSC fanfic that's out there, but I've read enough to know.

A couple of days later, Stacey is at the beach with half of the Pike kids while Mary Anne takes the others to Trampoline World and to play miniature golf again, and she meets Alex, a guy mother's helper who has been hanging out with Mary Anne quite a bit. She also meets Alex's cousin Toby, who is fourteen and is dressed in cool clothes and seems to like her too. Alex and Toby go on a double date with Mary Anne and Stacey on their night off, and they have a great time, and Toby wins a teddy bear for Stacey and gives her her first kiss. It's hard for Stacey and Mary Anne to say goodbye when they see the boys on the beach the next day, which is their last in Sea City, but they have to, and Mary Anne manages not to cry in front of the Pike kids. Stacey also says goodbye to Scott.

Back in Stoneybrook, Stacey sits on the back porch and drinks iced tea and tells her parents about her vacation, and then she calls Mary Anne to chat and finds out that Mary Anne and Alex got $5 rings engraved with each other's initials. Then of course Stacey has to call Claudia and tell her all about everything that happened, because that is what best friends are for.

M #13, Mary Anne and the Library Mystery

You guys, that is TOTALLY smoke coming from behind the bookshelves and not glare on my scanner. That kid looks scared because s/he is wearing enormous yellow boot shoes and knows s/he won't be able to run away very quickly. S/he'll either lose a boot shoe or be clomping along at a grandmother/fatherly pace. DRAMA. This book has it in spades.

This book starts out with Mary Anne watching Roman Holiday and bawling her eyes out. Yeah. I'm wondering if I should add a generic Old Movie tag, but that would basically be as helpful as a Baby-Sitters Club tag. She tells us she doesn't just like old movies, but also likes the latest music and TV shows, but I am unconvinced.

On page 3, we get a Wizard of Oz reference. Mary Anne tells us that the downside of being sensitive is that much like at the end of the film when the Tin Man says, "Now I know I have a heart, because it's breaking," being sensitive leaves her open to not just wonderful feelings but also unpleasant ones. I guess. She misses Dawn who is in California and Logan who is very busy at school with a big volleyball tournament coming up. Logan likes sports, you see, so that means he is on every single sports team at the middle school. Except maybe the basketball team.

Mary Anne reads the whole newspaper because she's bored and lonely. She says she likes to read the birth announcements to see if any babies have been given especially nice or especially weird names. I do that too! Unfortunately she says the names that day are all boring and normal, because I would like to see a ghostwriter example of a weird Stoneybrook name.

Meeting time! Mary Anne goes early, because she's bored. At the end of the chapter, Claudia's mom wants to hire someone to help out with the Readathon they're going to have at the public library, and Mary Anne leaps at the chance. It will be perfect because she loves books and kids. Mary Anne meets the two librarians. Ms. Feld is the main children's librarian. Miss Ellway is new, and Mary Anne takes an instant dislike to her. She says she knows she shouldn't judge people so quickly, but she does, and again I really can't blame her because I do that. Plus, Mary Anne is totally insulted when Miss Ellway assumes she'll have to show MA how to use the card catalog. Bitch, Mary Anne has been able to do that since she was eight years old.

The readathon is going to raise money, because the kids have solicited sponsors who will pay them for each book read. So after each book, the kids have to answer a few questions on it to make sure they actually read it.I would have raked in cash for the library, I tell you what. Mary Anne has a busy first day and sees a lot of the regular BSC clients, which is nice, because usually the mysteries introduce a character or family and use them in exactly one book. Mary Anne helps kids pick out books and use the card catalog. This book is getting pretty dated in that respect, because card catalogs are going the way of the cassette player. Of course a bunch of the Pike kids are hanging around the Readathon, because the Pike Parents are not going to turn down an opportunity to get some of their spawn out of their hair for a while. Byron is excited about checking out books but Nicky is apathetic. In other books all the Pike kids love to read, so I'm not sure what his deal is in this book.

There is a part in this book where Jessi goes over to bring Nicky Pike to the library and Claire and Margo are playing dress-up. Margo is wearing a long nightshirt that "must have belonged to her father." I do not want to picture Father Pike in a nightshirt. I do not know if you can even still buy nightshirts for men anymore. Could you when this book was published? Do you know any men who wear nightshirts? Maybe I am just misinformed.

There are protesters outside the library. They want to ban books. This is a Very Bad Thing. Mary Anne tells us that she reads books with bad words in them, but it doesn't make her want to say the words. Mary Anne also tells us that her dad lets her read whatever she wants. For some reason I can imagine Mary Anne being really into V.C. Andrews.

Kristy gets a job helping Rosie Wilder with the Readathon. She's supposed to help her sign up sponsors and take her to the library because her parents are so busy. There's a really weird part where Rosie doesn't want to talk to the neighbors because she doesn't know what to say, so Kristy helps her write a script and then Rosie dresses up in a sailor dress and pinches her cheeks to put color in them and goes around the neighborhood. Kristy says the neighbors can't resist her, but I am assuming they are just willing to spend any amount because they are afraid for their lives when a creepy little sailor suited child comes to their door with dead eyes and rosy cheeks. Anyway this means Kristy is at the library a lot too so she can help Mary Anne investigate.

Investigate? Oh, right, this is a mystery. There is a fire at the library! It is in one of the bathrooms, and gets put out before the kids can even all be evacuated. A week later, there is a second fire, in a trash can. This fire is bigger, and they have to evacuate all the kids. The BSC decide that they need to solve the mystery. Claudia's mom gives them some information. They find out that books were burned in both fires. They suspect Miss Ellway, because the land the library is on was donated by her ancestors with the provision that if the library is ever destroyed or shut down, the land goes back to the Ellway family. They also suspect the book burning protesters. Then one day at the library, some matches fall out of Nicky Pike's jacket. He swears they aren't his, and Mary Anne and Kristy believe him, so they don't bother to tell an adult or anything. Well, they do tell Mallory, who is basically his mother, and she interrogates him for an hour, but in the end she believes him too. Nicky becomes a junior investigator on their arson case. Rosie Wilder also wants to help solve the mystery. Now that I think about it, that might be her on the book cover, because she is supposed to have thick red hair and glasses.

There's another fire at the library, in a trash can. Mary Anne sees Miss Ellway running toward it with a fire extinguisher so she crosses her off the suspect list. The BSC investigate the other members of the Ellway family and discover that they are all nice people. Miss Ellway's brother owns a hardware store and his grown daughter runs a dog kennel and his grown son has a huge mansion. Nice people are incapable of setting fires, clearly. Then they investigate the protesters by pretending to be doing an article for the school paper and by following them around. Claudia announces that the protesters all have no fashion sense. When Claudia is making fun of your fashion choices, you have crossed a line that you can never un-cross.

Mary Anne realizes that the books that have been burned are all on the fifth grade reading list, so they decide to stake out the library since all the other fires have been on Wednesdays.  Kristy is mad that Claudia and Stacey are not blending in to their surroundings as well as she would like.

Claudia was wearing a big white shirt over a bright pink jumpsuit. Her earrings, also bright pink, were in the shape of flamingos. On her feet were pink high-tops. Stacey was wearing a red miniskirt, a red-and-white striped top, red heart-shaped earrings, and short black boots.

Mary Anne points out that Claudia and Stacey would look more conspicuous if they were trying to blend in. I really don't see what Kristy is so upset about, because those were really reasonable outfits as far as Claudia and Stacey are concerned.

At the library, they catch Sean Addison in the act of burning a book in another trash can. He explains that he doesn't want to read and feels like his parents don't care about him and just shove him into every activity they can think of. Mary Anne says she doesn't agree and that the Addisons seem like good parents. I guess she didn't read the book where the Addisons pushing their kids into fifty million activities so they could go do their own thing was basically the entire subplot. At any rate, I think burning books is a bit of an overreaction to not wanting to be in a readathon. Why couldn't he just look for pictures of naked people in National Geographic and look up dirty words in the dictionary like any normal bored ten-year old in a library?

The mystery is solved and Mary Anne decides she might keep volunteering at the library on occasion. There's an award ceremony for the readathon. Nicky Pike wins for the third grade. Apparently he has been faking boredom at the library and doing all of his reading at home to surprise Mary Anne because she got him interested in reading. Aww.

This one isn't too bad, as far as the mysteries go. At least they aren't out chasing adult criminals. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go drink until the image of Papa Pike in a nightshirt is gone.