There is more exciting news. Mallory's mom's cousin (thus, Mallory's first cousin once removed) calls and invites the Pike family to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade from special bleacher seats. The Pike parents make reservations at a hotel in New York City and the kids are really excited. This particular plot element, of going to New York City to watch the parade, shows up a few more times in BSC books. I know for sure that it's in at least two Little Sister books.
Okay so the Tuesday after Halloween, Mallory wakes up feeling like shit, and her mom takes her to the doctor and Mallory is diagnosed with mononucleosis. AKA glandular fever, in some parts of the world. One of the things I remember about this book is that Mallory's siblings find out that mono is also called "kissing disease" and they tease that Ben Hobart gave it to her, and she loudly protests that she has never kissed Ben. So if you ever wondered just how steamy Mallory and Ben's hot nerd dates were, now you know. On the cover, you see that she is being tended to by her sister and a midget. The pajamas she is wearing are actually described in the book. They are flannel pajamas with lace around the cuffs and collar. In the book it says Mallory's mom described them as "practical, yet feminine." It does not say whether she added, "You know, if you happen to be 900 years old." Because those are old lady pajamas if I ever saw them. Oh also the other thing about this book is that half the shit Mallory says is phrased as "murmured." By the end of this stupid thing, the word murmured had lost all meaning.
This whole book is boring as hell because it's Mallory. Feeling like shit. And being in bed. She'll try to do some math homework and fall asleep, or she'll watch a soap opera and then fall asleep. Or she'll bitch about how boring it is to be stuck in bed, then fall asleep. Don't worry, though, Mallory being confined to bed doesn't stop her parents from asking her to babysit. This is the scene pictured on the cover. I guess that's actually supposed to be Claire and Margo, not Claire and a midget. Anyway even though Mallory is supposed to stay in bed in her old lady pajamas, her mom is like "hey, watch Claire and Margo while I take the other kids to the mall lol," and Mallory's like "woo hoo!" And her mom leaves cheese sandwiches and celery sticks for the girls, and Mallory tells them that all the great nurses ate celery sticks. Clara Barton, Florence Nightingale, and Hot Lips Hoolihan. Yes, those are the three nurses she comes up with. It is the other thing I remember about this book. Then after Mallory's mom gets home with the other kids, Mallory falls asleep.
Meanwhile the Baby Sitters Club has decided they need to have a shindig for the old folks at the old folks' home. For Thanksgiving. They are going to have a carnival and also give each resident a goodie basket. They are having a hard time getting ready for this, because this is one of the books where Dawn is in California and of course Mallory spends most of this book drooling into her pillow. If they're so damn busy with baby-sitting and school and everything else, why did they need to plan something else on top of it? Nobody knows. But the club wants Mallory to help them out by making phone calls for fundraisers and baking and sewing beanbags and shit. Is everyone in this book fucking stupid? Mallory is supposed to stay in bed. Just doing three math problems or reading two chapters of a book exhausts her. And now she's supposed to organize a fundraiser and bake damn cookies? FUCK OFF. SHE IS SICK.
Mallory's parents sit her down for a talk. Or maybe she lies in bed and they talk. Anyway, talking is done. The doctor says that mono hits some people harder than others, and Mallory is one of the unlucky ones, which anyone who has ever read one of these books could tell you. So after Mallory is better, they are going to allow her to go to school, and that's it. No extracurricular activities, no baby-sitting, no BSC. Mallory has to call Kristy and tell her she has to quit the club. She is devastated, in the way only 11-year old girls can be. She says, "This is the worse [sic] thing that has ever happened to me." I almost threw the book in the trash at that point, because misuse of worse/worst is one of my biggest grammatical pet peeves. I restrained myself only because I knew I'd have to rebuy it in the future, for a complete collection and also for the most angsty paragraph of Mallory angst ever:
It was hard to imagine my life without the BSC. No more meetings. No more baby-sitting, or talent shows, or backyard circuses, or group hikes. No more pizza parties. No more fun.
Mallory is a huge drama queen (who by the way does not feel the need to describe a single Claudia outfit) and she feels a ton of guilt that the club is working so hard and she is stuck in bed, so she decides to try and get kicked out of the club. She is nasty to Jessi and Claudia when they make her a list of shit to do for the fundraiser, and she is rude to Kristy and Mary Anne when they come by to "visit". Which really it seems like their visit is just them checking how she is doing on her assigned list of tasks. And again, FUCK OFF. Oh also when Kristy and Mary Anne come, Mallory has not combed her hair for two days. With her curly hair, I bet that's lovely.
The club figures out that Mallory is just trying to get kicked out of the club so instead of giving her what she wants, they call and reassure her that they love her and don't want to replace her. They'll muddle through somehow. Mallory is totes inspired by this and decides to get to work on the fundraising. They need to raise a hundred dollars in one night, even though most of the kids in the project have already donated their allowances and done some extra chores. The Pike kids hit on the concept of selling future chores to their parents. Mallory calls up a ton of other kids the club sits for to order them to hit their parents up for 50 cents to do chores at some unspecified point in the future. She starts making these calls at 7:30 and says she has about two hours to make calls. My mom would never have let me call people until 9:30 at night. I don't remember what time it was that our friends couldn't call our house after, but I'm thinking it was 9:00, and that was when we were in like 6th grade. These are grade school kids. Are they all going to even be awake to sell promises at 9 pm? At the end, Mallory's ear aches from talking on the phone so long, and her finger is sore from dialing, but they meet the fundraising goal. Then she falls asleep.
The next day Mallory's parents announce they won't be going to the parade after all, because the doctor is worried that the excitement and activity could cause a relapse. Mallory offers to stay home and the rest of the family could go, but, in a rather uncharacteristic bit of caring about Mallory, her parents refuse and say the whole family will just spend Thanksgiving at home. The rest of the kids are pissed.
While Mallory naps, the club takes a bunch of kids to Costco some unspecified warehouse store that Watson has a membership to. They buy paperback books for the old people baskets, and apples and oranges, and a toy for each old person. The kids are sure the old folks will just love the toys and the sitters think it will be fun. The carnival goes well and the old people and the kids play with the toys together and the book makes it sound like all the old people were just dying for a Mr. Potato Head or a set of jacks, but I'm pretty sure the second the kids left the toys got put aside only to be brought out if a grandkid came to the home to visit. The kids tell her all about it when they get home, then Mallory takes a nap. Then the club and some kids surprise Mallory by bringing the carnival shit to her house. She gets to play the fishing game and wins a cookie, throws a beanbag through a cutout and wins some jellybeans, and wins a cake in the cakewalk. Well really Vanessa wins, but she gives the cake to Mallory.
At the end of the book it is Thanksgiving. The Pike family has a tradition of listening to classical music on Thanksgiving, and they all watch the parade together on TV while deciding which float, balloon, and celebrity they like best. Mallory says that her favorite balloon is Clifford the Big Red Dog. When it's time to eat, Mallory's mother makes her lounge reclining in a lawn chair at the dining room table. Is it just me or does that sound like a recipe for spilling shit all over one's fancy clothes? Mallory wears a blue velvet skirt with matching bolero and white silk blouse. Byron wears maroon corduroy slacks, a yellow shirt, and a blue and yellow sweater. Nobody else's clothes merit a description. After dinner, the whole BSC shows up as a surprise to eat pie with Mallory's family. Dawn even calls from California to say hello. Then Kristy tells Mallory they are going to send out new fliers and wants to know if she should put Mal's name on them. Mal sadly has to tell her no, because she hasn't even gone back to school yet and nobody knows how long it will be before she can babysit again.
Then Mallory takes a nap.
I need a pair of those pajamas!
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