LS #80, Karen's Christmas Tree

I was going to do the book where Karen meets the President of the United States. I even got it out and read it to prep. But it was just far too stupid to even write words about, so I picked this book as a substitute.

The book starts out with Karen, Hannie, and Nancy having a Lovely Ladies tea party at Karen's house. Andrew runs in to show them his picture of Santa. Karen says that all she sees are scribbles. Do four year olds normally still just scribble? My niece was drawing recognizable people when she was 3. Maybe Karen is just being mean about Andrew's picture because she's a brat.

Karen's family decides that they'll each make an ornament for their tree this year. While they are downtown buying craft supplies, Karen goes in the toy store, where they have a wish tree. She asks the clerk about it and later convinces Hannie and Nancy that the three of them should grant a wish for an underprivileged child. They choose a little boy who wants a fire truck. The three of them plan to do chores for their parents and raise money to buy the toy. It's pretty sweet actually.

Karen has some neighbors, the Druckers, who show up in the books from time to time. In this book, the Druckers are sad because their blue spruce tree died over the summer. Then Mrs. Drucker breaks her hip. Karen is really worried about Mrs. Drucker and her broken hip. She talks to Nancy and the two of them decide to try and raise money from the neighbors to replace the spruce tree.

Nancy is given tickets to Annie as a gift. She can choose one friend to take. When Karen hears what day it is, she mentions she thinks she is busy that day, so Nancy invites Hannie. When Karen finds out that Hannie got the invite, she flips the fuck out and is a total cow to her friends. Nancy and Hannie both look really surprised that Karen is being an asshole, which leads me to suspect that they've never read one of these books. Karen is sure the fight will be over soon but Hannie and Nancy play together at recess and leave Karen out. Good for Hannie and Nancy, I say. Karen is pretty much a bully and a spoiled brat, and if I were Nancy's or Hannie's mother, I would encourage her to make other friends. Then when Karen gets home from school, she sits alone in her room waiting for her friends to call her and apologize. For what, I don't know.

Here's Karen looking sad because Hannie and Nancy are playing together and Karen is stuck playing with droopy socks Natalie. Natalie is not in the picture, maybe she is bent over pulling up her socks just to the left of the margin.

At school, the kids have to write a short paper about their holiday wish. Karen wishes that her fight with her friends was over. Ms. Colman asks her to collect the papers and she sees that Hannie and Nancy had the same wish. That afternoon, she and Nancy go collect money from the neighbors for the spruce tree. Afterward, Karen apologizes to Nancy and they call Hannie and Karen apologizes to her too. The fight is over. Nancy decides to take Grandma B. to the play instead of choosing between her friends. The girls pick out a fire truck at the store and pay for it with their own money.

Karen and Nancy get to go pick out a new spruce tree for the Druckers. The day Mrs. Drucker comes home from the hospital, the neighbors set the tree up in their yard and  decorate it. The Druckers are very pleased. This is the scene depicted on the cover, except that Hannie isn't there in the text.

At the end of the book, Karen's family hangs their handmade ornaments on the tree. Andrew made a paper reindeer. Karen made a star out of clay. Seth carved a beautiful wooden soldier. Mommy made a Santa out of pipe cleaners and foil. This always makes me laugh a little because a pipe cleaner Santa seems way more like something a child would make than an adult.

Foods eaten in this book: Pizza, blueberry pancakes, spaghetti and meatballs, salad, melted cheese on toast, warm apple cider, chicken soup.

There's a lot going on in this book, so at times it seems a bit disjointed, but overall it's one of my favorite Little Sister holiday books. My score: 8/10.

#125, Mary Anne in the Middle

I know, you're all thinking, great, a later series book. Nobody remembers the high numbered books because the people who'd been reading since the beginning were too old for them and the people who started reading later were still starting at the beginning of the series. Plus they tend to be terrible somewhat different in style than the early books. This book in particular is just awful. It's allegedly about Mary Anne, but the entire plot is about Mallory and Jessi. I always liked Mary Anne so it bums me out that the whole book is Mallory and Jessi and we don't get any of Mary Anne having dinner with her family or hanging with Kristy or Claudia or something.

The book starts out with Mary Anne babysitting the Pike kids with Mallory. Mrs. Pike has taken a temporary job for plot purposes for a little extra money during the holiday season so they babysit the Pike kids basically constantly. Mallory is anxious to find out whether she has been accepted to Riverbend, a boarding school she has applied to because the kids at school are teasing her and making life miserable. But even if she is accepted, she isn't sure yet whether she should go, so she hasn't discussed it much with the younger kids in her family.

Meeting time, and Mary Anne partially describes Claudia's outfit for us. I mean, I assume Claudia is also wearing pants and it is a partial description. It could just be a really long shirt.

Lately she's been working with colorful polymer clays and incorporating her creations into all her outfits. The shirt she was wearing that day was one she had tie-dyed and then cut into fringe around the bottom. At the end of each fringe was a polymer clay bead she'd made. Her earrings and necklace featured more of the same beads, and so did the barrette holding back her long, silky black hair.

 I have made Claudia's lovely beaded outfit for you in Neopets form. You just kind of have to imagine the beads on the fringe of her lovely tie-dyed outfit. I had a hard time deciding on the shoes, because at this point in the books, Claudia wore Doc Martens a lot, but I always kind of picture her in strappy silver sandals that lace around her leg because she wore those in every book for like six years one single eighth grade year and half of seventh grade.

Kristy asks Mallory if she's heard from Riverbend and that she needs to let them know if she decides to go so they can replace her in the club. Really, your friend might move away and you're talking about replacing her right in front of her? I don't know how bursts-into-tears-all-the-time Mary Anne can be such good friends with Kristy without getting her feelings hurt every other page. I don't imagine that Kristy has much patience for trying to coax someone into feeling better. I think Mary Anne's crying would just piss her off.

The next day Mary Anne is meeting Mallory at her locker after school. She sees that someone has written "SPAZ GIRL" on the locker and tries to scrub it off, but is unable to do so before Mallory sees it. As they walk, Mallory tells Mary Anne how unbearable she finds SMS and how much she liked her visit to Riverbend. Mary Anne realizes that Riverbend might be the best choice for Mallory.

They arrive at the elementary school and Mallory's siblings come out. The book tells us that Claire usually goes to morning kindergarten but for the duration of Mrs. Pike's job she goes to the afternoon class as well. This pisses me off so much every time I read it. It makes no sense that the school would just be like "sure, we'll put your child in a second class every day for three weeks or however long this stupid book your job lasts!" Just say it's all day kindergarten and nobody will even think twice about it. By the fall of 1998, which is the year this book was published, over half of all kindergarten students attended full day programs. It makes a lot more sense than utilizing a second half-day kindergarten class for three weeks in lieu of daycare.

They bring the gross Pike kids home and feed them chocolate milk and peanut butter "slathered" on Saltines. Objectively I don't really mind any of those foods but the Pikes still gross me out. The mail comes and Mallory gets an acceptance letter from Riverbend. They are offering her a full scholarship, probably so she can head up their fledgling baby-sitting program for the teachers' kids. Or because she is the best eleven year old writer in the whole world, because you know, the BSC is the best at everything they try. The kids are upset when they realize that if Mallory goes to boarding school, she will board there and no longer live at home. Then Mallory calls Jessi to tell her she got accepted and surprisingly, Mallory's best friend is not super stoked that she might be moving away. You know, because she's eleven. And she's going to miss her best friend. Mallory is like "omg what a bitch" because she's eleven. And she's only thinking about her own excitement.

The next day Mary Anne is babysitting the Pikes but with Jessi instead of Mallory. They go to the Pike house and prepare an unnamed snack that makes Adam say, "Gross!" and get out a package of cookies instead. The mind boggles at the existence of a snack that grosses a Pike child out. Jessi spends the sitting job bitching about how Mallory is just running away from her problems and abandoning her family. Then when Mallory gets home she and Jessi have a brief argument and Jessi storms out.

Here is the cover. I don't know whose house they are meant to be in but I doubt it is the gross Pikes' house. As you can see, Mary Anne is standing between Jessi and Mallory, because fuck this book, it's supposed to be about Mary Anne but none of it is. She has one phone conversation with Dawn and other than that she interacts with no one in her family. She doesn't even call her husband boyfriend Logan and rehash Mallory and Jessi's stupid drama, much less go on a date with him.

The next day Mallory tells Mary Anne that she has officially decided to go to Riverbend. Her siblings are acting cold and ignoring her, because their feelings are hurt. Then they go to a club meeting and Mallory announces her decision. Jessi can tell by Mary Anne's reaction that Mallory told her already and her feelings are very badly hurt, even though she and Mallory weren't exactly getting along. Jessi runs out of the club meeting. Then Mrs. DeWitt calls and needs two sitters so Mary Anne sneakily assigns Jessi and Mallory the job together. Because that's what professional sitters do, is send feuding people to someone's house to fight in front of their children.

Mallory's siblings are still mad at her except for Claire who is hanging all over her. Nicky wonders if their parents will have another kid to replace Mallory, because there are only seven of them now. I know eleven is pretty young for Mallory to be going away, but was Nicky planning to have everyone go to Stoneybrook Community College and then live at home forever?  After the job Mary Anne talks to Jessi who is still upset with Mallory, she feels like Mallory made up her mind the first time she visited the school and has been shutting her out ever since then.

By the time Mallory arrives for the job at the Barret/DeWitt house Jessi has told the kids that Mallory is moving away. Mallory is like wtf, and Jessi has a pretty amusing comeback. "Oh, I forgot, this is top secret," Jessi replied snippily. "Only Mary Anne is supposed to know." The DeWitt adults have scheduled this babysitting session so they can go to Bellair's and look at new furniture. Hey, guys? You have seven children under the age of nine. My suggestion is to not buy brand new furniture. Jessi has brought clay for the children to make Kwanzaa decorations, but when Mallory tells the four-year-old that she can make a snowman if she wants, Jessi freaks out on her and says she has to make Kwanzaa things and says, "I brought the clay. I'll be the one to say how she can use it." This is a very good example to set for a bunch of children. By the end of the sitting job Mallory and Jessi hate each other even more and both call Mary Anne to bitch at her for making them sit together without warning. Which is reasonable.

Jessi is having a sleepover at her house because a couple of her Dance NY friends are visiting. She had invited everyone in the BSC before the whole situation blew up, but for some reason Mary Anne manipulates Mallory into coming anyway, even though Mallory knows she's not wanted and Jessi greets her at the door with, "What are you doing here?" Mary Anne should probably have stayed out of this, because Mallory is chatting to one of Jessi's dance friends and Jessi overhears Maritza say "She'll get over it" and is upset that Mallory is talking about her and trying to turn her friends against her. Mallory leaves the sleepover, which, again, she knew in the first place that she probably shouldn't go.

The subplot in this book is that they are making homemade holiday decorations for Stoneybrook Manor, for the old people to enjoy. Abby babysits the Hobart boys and explains Hanukkah to them and they make a felt banner. Mallory, Mary Anne, and the Pike kids make styrofoam ornament balls, and the Pikes also make construction paper chains. Jessi makes the aforementioned Kwanzaa decorations with the Barrett/DeWitt kids. Then they have a party at the manor for all the residents. They make a group of four-year olds sing the Beatles' "Here Comes The Sun" in honor of the winter solstice. Reading about the party is boring, much like Mallory. Maybe that's why books with a Mallory focus always get the nursing home subplots. Because last time we had a shindig at the manor was when Mallory was laid up with mono, if you recall.

At the next club meeting they are trying to think of someone to replace Mallory, and decide that maybe they won't replace her, and Mallory feels bad because she "means so little" that they don't even need to replace her. Which was not exactly what they meant but come ON, there's not a good reason to directly discuss replacing your friend right in front of her. Then Mallory and Jessi both bitch to Mary Anne about each other and GODDAMMIT WHY DOES THIS BOOK STILL HAVE PAGES? WHY CAN'T IT BE OVER. You know what, that's it. I'm done with this book. I don't care if Mallory and Jessi make up and I don't care if it makes me a bad blogger, I cannot slog through another fucking page. I am going to make up my own ending.

Mary Anne is woken up very early by a phone call from Jessi, who is hysterical. Something has gone wrong at the Pike house. The entire club goes to look, in time to see Mrs. Pike being led away in handcuffs. Apparently she had been stealing like crazy from her seasonal job and has been tied to a rash of break-ins in Kristy's neighborhood. Mr. Pike, distraught, announces that most of the children will be sent to stay with relatives. The triplets will stay with him because nobody wants them, Mallory will go to boarding school, Claire and Margo will live with an aunt, Vanessa is to stay with a grandparent, and Nicky will live with Uncle Joe at Stoneybrook Manor. Jessi realizes that by fighting with Mallory, she will be missing out on her last chance to see her again. She hugs Mallory tightly as the rest of the Pike children huddle around them, sobbing, except for Byron the fatty triplet who is eating fried bologna and dipping it in leftover chocolate pudding.

LS #92, Karen's Sleigh Ride

This is another one I got toward the end of just trying to finish up my collection and have only read once, but I did actually remember one of the plot points.

This book starts out with Karen, Hannie, Andrew, and Emily making Christmas crafts at the big house. Karen and Andrew are spending December there, and even though it's only December 2, the kids are totally excited about all things Christmas, except Emily, who only wants to talk about presents. Karen and Hannie try to teach her some Christmas carols, but they're interrupted when Kristy comes in with some bad news. The Stones' barn has burned down, although luckily none of their animals were hurt. Karen's pretty upset, because she went to farm camp at the Stone farm. (LS#75, Karen's County Fair) Karen offers to share her bedroom with Ollie the lamb if he needs a place to stay, but her family are a bunch of jerks and say no. Then she suggests they could have a barn raising like she saw on TV. Everyone will bring food and spend a day building a new barn. Again, Karen's family are a bunch of jerks who have to ruin her brilliant plan by pointing out that nobody knows how to build barns anymore. Daddy does say he'll call Mr. and Mrs. Stone and offer to help.

It turns out that the Stones were underinsured, and won't have enough to rebuild their barn. Daddy says they might have to sell their animals or move to a smaller farm, and everyone is really upset by this, although probably not as upset as Mr. and Mrs. Stone. Karen and Kristy go to try and think up ways to help, and Emily comes in and starts trying to get into Kristy's dresser to look for presents. Then Karen comes up with a plan and calls a family meeting. She says everyone but Nannie is there, because Nannie has decided to give Emily a bath. But since Nannie is the only person not present, I guess she'll have to wait for Emily to get out of the meeting to commence the bath.

Karen's brilliant idea is that they can have a winter festival at the Stones' farm. They can have snowman making and ice sculpting contests, skating on the pond, sleigh rides, refreshments, and general merriment. The Stones agree, and they all put in a ton of work to get ready. Karen helps Kristy and some of her friends clean Mary Anne's family's barn to temporarily house the Stones' displaced animals. She informs us that Mary Anne's stepmother feeds them lunch of all natural turkey hot dogs on whole wheat buns, and they are "all right." I guess Karen isn't much for whole grains. Karen also helps Sam and Charlie fix up the Stones' old sleigh to use for the sleigh rides. And she and her classmates make signs about the festival during art class. A lot of other people are volunteering to make refreshments and things. This festival is a lot of work.

There is a meeting and between some funds that have already been raised and the projected outcome of the festival, they will have raised about $5000. Karen thinks this is a lot, but it turns out that it's only about half of what the Stones need to rebuild the barn.

The night of the festival arrives, and tons of people crowd onto the Stone Farm to take part in the action, such as it is. The festival is one of those things that sounds nice in theory but once the people arrive and eat a refreshment I don't really know what they're doing after that. Milling around and making there be too many people in a small space I guess.

Karen, Hannie, and Nancy win second prize in the snowman contest with their snow bunny. Claudia wins third prize. I guess being the best thirteen year old artist only gets you so far when you're competing with Karen Brewer. First prize goes to a contestant who made a snow angel. I know this probably is meant to imply that they did angel wings on their snowman and made a snow halo, but I'm going to just pretend that the winner flopped down and made an actual snow angel. Then they go on a sleigh ride. Then there is a little ceremony where Watson has Karen present a check to the Stones. Karen feels sorry that they couldn't do more, but when Mr. Stone looks at the check it is the exact amount they needed to rebuild the barn.

When they are taking things down and getting ready to go, Karen overhears some people talking. It turns out that they really didn't raise enough, but Watson paid the difference out of his own pocket but didn't really want to make a big public deal out of it. (That's the part of the book I remembered.)

Emily has still been talking about presents the whole book, and she trashes Karen's room looking for presents. Karen yells at her but then remembers that Emily is just little and it's really hard to wait for things when you're little, so she gives Emily a few small presents in the days leading up to Christmas. Little things like a tennis ball with Emily's initials written on it and a barrette Karen doesn't wear anymore. It's really quite thoughtful of Karen. Also, I know I say this a lot, but seriously, how cute is Emily?